Currently hanging behind the bar at Zombie Burger in Des Moines, Iowa
I went to buy a tasty treat
The day was hot and I was beat!
There you were, with skin so green
The most ghastly sight I’d ever seen
All I wanted was something sweet
I looked for help along the street
All I saw were more like you
They wouldn’t help, oh what to do?
You lurched before I could even scream
I never got my precious ice cream
What a lovely afternoon
To walk around with my new balloon
It’s a little slimy and dripping wet
But it makes me happy and I get
Lots of cries and screams and stares
To see a floating brain, who cares?
Apparently it’s a sickening sight
And if the police weren’t filled with fright
They might arrest me and take me in
But of course they won’t, they know I’d win
I’ll have a collection of balloon brains
And leave a trail of bloody stains
Wherever I go with my floating minds
I’m not picky with them, I like all kinds
Splashing, screaming, near the caves
Is what I heard amongst the waves
I thought I saw a shark attack
When I learned it was you, I turned my back
To swim away from what I saw
Your sunken eyes, your moldy jaw
Dripping with a surfer’s gore
I quickly hastened for the shore
I thought that I would reach land first
But soon my blood would quench your thirst
All the people at the shore
Quickly turned to a pile of gore
I was so hungry I couldn’t help it
The sand added a little grit
The beach is now red
The people are dead
I guess I’ll check around to see
If anyone tried to hide from me
I look behind a log and bush
I hear someone whisper “shush”
Too late, I heard your frightened voice
You have nowhere to go and no other choice
To come out and accept your fate
It’s time for dinner, and you’re on my plate
You’re sweeping something beneath the rug
I keep walking, and give a shrug
What made that red stain on the wall?
Are you redecorating after all?
What is this leftover meat in the fridge?
And where are your friends who come over for bridge?
I hear strange sounds in the cellar
Now I’m not the smartest feller
But something peculiar’s going on here
Instead of a smile you give me a sneer
What has become of you? Why do you growl?
Your skin’s falling off, I’ll get you a towel
I’ve called the doctor, he says you’re not well
He says to dismember you or run like hell
Oh honey are you really undead?
Hey! Quit trying to claw at my head!
I see that it’s true, the zombie you are
We’ll get you some help, just get in the car…
Down by the swimming hole, I watch you dive
You don’t see me coming, you will not survive
I grab at your ankles, you scream and kick
Sorry Charlie, I will make this quick
I pull you under and take the first bite
The water turns red, you put up a fight
I bite until I get to your brain
Your body is still, you are no longer in pain
When I am done I go back to the trees
And wait for another swimmer to seize
As I stumbled sleepily to get
A drink of water, cold and wet
I heard a grunting raspy sound
I was too scared to turn around!
Suddenly two hands reached out
They startled me, I gave a shout!
Putrid boney hands attack
To rip my guts out for a snack
Now I’m dead, I’ll be at peace
While this undead thing enjoys a feast
I’d really like some brains to munch
To have today as an early lunch
Your head looks large and ample
Would you mind if I took a sample?
It won’t hurt a bit I swear
And then you’ll be without a care
You’ll be like me and want to feast
Upon the living, like a savage beast
We’ll frolic and stumble and grunt and kill
As we stagger down the hill
So get over here so I can take a bite
It won’t help to put up a fight
Tropical brain drink, is a zombie’s treat
With a little umbrella to make it complete
They slurp up the juice from the severed head
It’s a beautiful color, a lovely red
It has a sweet and different taste
If you’re still living, I’d make haste
To immediately leave the zombie bar
Run for safety and get in your car
It’ll be too late if they know you are there
They’ll grab you by your flowing hair
And cut through your neck to detach your melon
To make drinks of your brain, and there’s no tellin
What they might do with the rest of you
Chomp and bite and rip and chew
But to a zombie you taste so nice
Can you really blame them for wanting a slice?
Oh what a lovely crimson pool
Just looking at it makes me drool
So much blood was wasted when you wouldn’t hold still
Although the struggle was quite a thrill
I’ll make leftovers out of your arms and thumbs
And nibble at the fleshy crumbs
I’m so full but I’ll be hungry tonight
So you’d better hide and turn out your light
This Halloween instead of a pumpkin
Why not carve a head or somethin’?
There’s plenty around, you just need an axe
Just find a good one, and give it a few whacks
It should fly off, without a doubt
Be sure to scoop the insides out
The brains are good, roasted or raw
Now get out your pen, it’s time to draw
Lines on the face for where you’ll cut
It’s going to get horribly messy but
The eyes and nose and mouth must go
So when it’s lit up, you’ll see a glow
Finally we get a torch
To light up your head and put on the porch
You should get quite a loud reaction
From passersby who see the attraction
When you said you loved my mind
I thought you meant it to be kind
But to my great horror instead
You went and bashed in my poor head
To scoop out the slippery lump inside
Had I been conscious, I might have cried
What once could think and reason and nap
Now lies morbidly in your lap
Enjoy the taste of my gray matter
And wipe your mouth of all the splatter
My day was hard I need a drink
And since you can no longer blink
I’ll use your eyes, though they may be stale
As olives in my bloody cocktail
I love to watch the people panic
Their pale faces simply manic
I chased so many, I was perspiring
And the screams and cries, they got so tiring
At first I laughed when they thought they could run
But I always caught up, I had so much fun!
In the end, I got them all
I ate their brains, I had a ball!
The living can be so completely silly
Think you can hide from me, really?
Be my Valentine you said
It’s so much better to be dead
First you’ll take my heart to keep
Then I can rest, an eternal sleep
You might snack on my juicy brain
Why must you cause me so much pain
You do it because you love me right?
Can’t we just get through the night
Without you clawing at me so
I just want for you to know
Your love is scary, dark and strong
Might this be a little wrong?
I’ve changed my mind, I want to live
Please oh please can you forgive
Me for wanting to leave you now
And break my sacred wedding vow
You have to stop sending me cards
Telling me how much you want my innards
We’re done, over, finished, through
Find another brain to chew!
I know you want my brains, I do
But darling please, I need them too!
I can’t go on like this anymore
The rotting flesh, the blood the gore
I know I brought you back from the grave
But it’s not working out, you don’t behave
We should see other people, dear
You try to kill me when I’m near
Now leave me be, you decaying wench
Your moldy corpse leaves such a stench!
A picture’s worth a thousand words,
But you would not pose like I preferred
And then my hand was gone in a flash
I got away before you could smash
My poor skull in and have a feast
You horrid monster, repulsive beast!
Thanks to you I'm now left handed
“You give it back!” I sorely demanded
Now you look at me with eyes so dead
I am suddenly thankful to have my head
I’ll just go now, I’m being silly..
You can have my camera, really!
Bashing skulls in with a bat
Through your temple and baseball hat
Delicious brains come spilling out
I suck some out through your dripping snout
If I wasn’t damned I’d be in heaven
I’m sorry I had to eat you, Kevin
But let me try to explain this to you
It’s like having your cake and eating it too!
But the cake is a brain and I am dead
And the icing is the blood spilling from your head
I noticed a ghastly putrid smell
Coming from your room, and well
I peeked inside to see what might
Be waking me with this smell tonight
What I did see made me cower
I held my nose, it was so sour!
You had most of dad’s intestines strewn
About and around the whole bedroom!
His head was resting on the dresser top
His lifeless body made me stop
To ask you why you did it mom?
“’Cause I’m a zombie now, nom nom.”
My heart beats slowly, I am sleeping
Through my window you come creeping
Heavy breathing, sour breath
Something surly reeks of death
My heart beat quickens
The air, it thickens
I open my eyes and you are there
Drooling, smiling, with a sinister stare
Your face is badly decomposing
I wish I could go back to dozing
Your hand reaches out, I hear a rip
My blood spurts out, you take a sip
Now my heart is very still
When you attacked, you meant to kill
The phone rings loudly in the night
I pick it up and am filled with fright
There’s heavy breathing on the line
I tell myself I’ll be just fine
Then your voice comes menacing and cold
Should I hang up or put you on hold?
You want my brains for a midnight snack
Shivers run up and down my back
I quickly hang up, and lock my door
I’ve never been so scared before
I hide inside my safe warm bed
And pull a blanket over my head
The phone rings again, but my brains I won’t give
I hope you don’t know where I live
I thought you said you were on a diet
But you’re eating the living and trying to hide it!
“No more guts or entrails til summer”
I caught you though, oh what a bummer!
Those greasy innards will make you large
Stick to brains and spleens, take charge!
The chase and fight help you stay fit
Don’t go for the humans who are happy to sit
It’s not easy to be thin
When all you want is to eat Fat Jim
I know he’s slow and falls down a lot
But stick to your goals and you’ll be hot!
He was my boyfriend, his name was Jake
But his juicy brain, I had to take
We were fighting every day
We had to go our separate ways
But before he left me for good
I did what any zombie would
I ate his brains in a violent flash
The blood spurted out and made a splash
He didn’t even have time to shout
But now we’re through, without a doubt
I’m on vacation at the beach!
A man walks by and out I reach
He screamed so loud but no one could hear
I neatly ripped off his nice little ear
I took a few more bits of gore
He made a fuss, it was such a chore
I wish he hadn’t been so hairy
But I made a new drink, a Bloody Gary!
It was pretty good and now I’ll wait
For the fresh young lifeguard to meet his fate
It’s important to stretch before a big chase
To get warmed up and keep a good pace
The living are fast, but not fast enough
Especially to a zombie who is strong and tough
You can try to run and hide
But you’ll probably die as I’ve implied
You’re bound to trip and fall a lot
Which will give the zombie a very good shot
To catch up sooner than you’d like
You’d better hurry up and take a hike
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news
But here’s some advice: tie your shoes!
You seem so innocent and shy
Despite the slime and undead eyes
Your tattered clothes and exposed bone
Your sullen face, your creepy moan
All these things, I’m afraid to say
Make me shiver, and not in a good way
Looking at you frightens me
I can’t be with you, can’t you see?
You may physically have my heart
As I lay dead in the park
But I could never love you, girl
You’re long dead and make me hurl!
I entered a Redvines contest a while back, I didn't win haha